News for October 2011

excerpt from my journal (4)

April 18th 2011

Do you know how painful it is to cry quietly? To not make a single sound while crying?
It’s not so much as the same as covering your ears, to muffle the sounds.
It’s going so far as to face the sky, hoping the gods will grant you the freedom that the gravitation pull will run your tears up your cheek and back into your eyeballs. You must grasp for air by opening your mouth widely and avoid breathing through your nose at all costs.
Sniffling is definitely not allowed, your lips will become dry and chapped from breathing too vigorously from an open mouth.
But that’s the only thing you can do; to bury your tears in a Kleenex; to convince the person sitting in the other room that you aren’t crying.
But most of all, to convince yourself that you’re not crying.
“What an odd season to be having indoor allergies?”

Always remember to exclaim so afterwards.

note: i don’t know why i wrote this, i don’t think i was the one crying….

Posted: October 23rd, 2011
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excerpt from my journal (3)

May 8th 2011

Unfortunately recently some unpleasant events occurred. But I won’t write down what it is. I wonder if in the future I’ll read back on this and that I’ll even know what it was that occurred. No one got hurt so I guess it’s not really a big deal.

note: no I don’t remember what it was, bad things are fleeting, just as good things are

Posted: October 23rd, 2011
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excerpt from my journal (2)

May 12th 2011

I’ve been feeling a little bit restless and a little bit ugly. How did things bring themselves to this point? I just woke up, feeling not the usual refreshment that I had hoped, although awake, but curious as to what the point of waking up was.

ah that’s right, I have to wake up to write.

Posted: October 23rd, 2011
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excerpt from my journal (1)

April 18th 2011

It’s one of those days where I have conversations like this with myself
/headdesk
“What are you doing?”
“Waiting for death.”

The sudden realization that time is moving too quickly sends me into a depression that slows down time. How efficient is this? I sometimes want to sit and cry but that’s too emo isn’t it I don’t even know anymore.

I don’t want to die, I think

note: I definitely do not want to die

Posted: October 23rd, 2011
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